In Fight Club, they talk about who they could take in a fight - Shatner seems to be the dude dudes want to take on - I guess taking Captain Kirk would be quite a coup. It seems that in this question, you want to come up with what would be a Good Fight, not an easy one. For me, people would either take me out pretty fast, or there might be some prolonged slapping and hair pulling, hence my list:Renee Zelweger - she's little, but she's in good shape. I think it'd be fair, but I could take her.
Martin Short - as Jiminy Glick
Emma Thompson
Keira Knightley - I snap her like a twig
Claire Danes - I beat her, then force feed her a hamburger
Actually, it's more likely they'll all kick my ass. OK, don't embarrass me by not listing your TOP FIVE.
7 comments:
Make Love, Not War.
Hmm, well, I'll list people I want to beat up, put their face in the mud, and publicly shame:
Dick Cheney:
Maybe too easy? "Big Time" has a pacemaker. I just have to make sure none of his friends are around so he doesn't accidentally shoot them in the face during the rumpus.
Sal Masekela:
I was going to say ESPN's Stuart Scott, but there's no way I can take that guy. But one E News while Sal is "keepin' it real, yo'" by fluffing another worthless celebrity, I really want to run on and kick him in the nuts.
Mr Richard "Worst-Dressed" Blackwell:
Dude needs a kick in the teeth, and I'm the man to do it.
Tom Friedman:
The thought of having a youtube video of me grabbing that guy by the mustache and putting him in the mud while yelling "six more months" warms the cockles of my heart. I don't understand how someone so wrong about everything gets a column at the NYT. Altho' I guess they just hired Bill Kristol, so maybe it's institutional
Ryan Seacrest:
This might be tough, as I suspect Seacrest is actually in shape, but I also suspect I'd be a dirtier SOB when it comes to cheating at fighting than that unimaginative pile of spiky hair.
I wanted to put Cheney on my list too but for some reason I chickened out (and thought I might be gathered up by Secret Police in the dead of night). I'm sure you could take Seacrest, the dude's like 4 feet tall.
Don't tase me, Bro!
I love a good St. Pattie's day bar fight. Even though now days you just can't fight the one guy (or gal, sorry PC woman)you have to fight their "crew", but I would take on...
1. Jean-Clude Van Damme - doing the spilts and dancing around me isn't going to help much.
2. Ryan Seacrest - because I feel like breaking something pretty...Seacrest is OUT!!
3. Bill Clinton - I mean really that would be too easy so he probably get his "wife" to fight for him.
4. Any too high paid athlete that isn't just happy doing what his is doing and being a role model, although most probably would kick my ass, I'd get my good punches in. "Practice wur talkin' 'bout Practice" A.I.
5. Paris Hilton...yeah I went there...I'll have to get my wife to kick her ass...this goes with #4 type people.
I can't stop laughing at the picture in my mind of Renee Zelwegger having her hair pulled and getting roughed up a bit; I can totally picture it in my mind.
Check Me Out:
http://educateham.blogspot.com/
I find this post very likeable as well but I'm not sure its interesting. You should check out my blog; I put yours in my blogroll.
Okay, I've put waaaay too much thought into this.
#1: That asshole I used to work with at Big Bowl who said "Now don't get offended by this Caitlin -- but it's just a fact. The reason that this place sucks is because we have a woman manager. Everybody knows that women make crappy managers."
I want to make that good ol' boy cryyyyyyy. I suspect it wouldn't be that hard.
#2: Tyra Banks. I want to hit her with a dolphin. Nuff said.
#3: Maury Povich. I want to knee him in the groin on his set, and then have my camera crew follow him as he limps into the hallway asking him personal questions like "How do your balls feel, Maury?". Then I want to make him take a lie detector test about whether he thinks he's a good person. And then I'll read the results (with commentary!) on national television.
#4: Celine Dion. Your devil songs are horrible, and they stick in my head like melty treacle on a gluey plate! I will break you woman! I will snap you like a candy cane!
#5: the creator of Gossip Girl (the TV show, not the book). Why? Why did you do it? That show is so awful, yet it has an evil, alien hold on me. I can't break away... but I can break a kneecap!
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